It came like smoke that fills the top of the room. It flows through the ceiling and covers the eight foot ceiling above you. It fills the room slowly, steadily and then all of a sudden every cubic inch of air is suffocating with this evil presence. It is Grief. It is loss and it is pain. The whole room is filled and all of a sudden you cannot move and your arms do not want to move. You are looking at something trying to remember what it was you were doing.(oh, that could be old age..hehe). “Oh, where am I ?” you ask in your mind, or maybe out loud, because it can make you lonely and you talk to yourself. You look around and you see people but at the same time you are alone. YOU are the one that cannot reach out. Because the grief has wrapped you as a thin layer of skin of pain, numbness and tingling all at once you cannot feel the presence of another.
It is grief. It is loss. When did it happen?. How did it happen? Why did it happen? There are no answers. You have not understood how it came upon you but you are like engulfed as if an octopus with the tentacles are wrapped around you and consider that the suction cups on you are sucking the life blood out of you. A serious layer of sorrow and indescribable tiredness overwhelms you. It can fall off the cliff and become full blown depression. But maybe not. There is a glimmer of light on the horizon. You hear a voice that reaches through the fog or smoke surrounding. You hear another person asking if they can make you some food. You stumble to the kitchen and sit and try to eat. It is not enticing. You can go through the motions but when you put food in your mouth you feel too tired to chew. You think if you could sleep you may be able to wake up and it will be gone. But then, you do it and when you wake, it is still there. You don’t know exactly what to do about it. Again a phone call. Someone says they are sorry. You wonder why they are sorry because they cannot possibly understand what you feel. You certainly do not. It is Grief, it is loss.
How do I get rid of it? Will it ever go away?. It seems it may not. Everyone in the house is touched and the pain continues. The dog even tiptoes around. She has understood. It was her sister, that she had never been away from for over thirty minutes. It is hers too. And the others in the house feel it although it was not their loved one that is gone.
From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
When grief or loss pays a visit, this does not seem so true. As time will make a wound into a scar, we can almost believe this until we have a new love. As time changes the scar, we can massage it to help it heal. In spiritual ways there are things to talk out with God. When you have grief or loss you must go through it. I heard once it said if you are going through hell, do not stop. I think grief is like that. Do not plan to stay there but it is different for each one of us. Check out the http://www.petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm if you have lost a pet. If you have a family member you may read Heaven is for Real., Or The Boy Who Went to Heaven.( Go through my Amazon.com Link and help us out) There are lots of tales of those that have died and have returned and have seen heaven. My most reliable story is the one about Jesus Christ and what he says about getting to heaven. There is one road.
I have lost both my parents, and many of my close pets. Grief does get more tolerable but the missing doesn’t go away. For me I focus on the good memories of the loss and that helps me handle what never leaves. Again, it is a process and my biggest grief is loosing much of my health. I may recover some of it, but aging often reduces it. That one just frustrates me and I need more prayer. Consider that another entry at another day.